Sometimes you don’t realize just how busy you are until you give yourself permission not to do some things for a few days and find yourself still running full out. That’s happening to me right now.
I gave myself permission not to think about my research for a few days (basically until my mother leaves sunday morning). However she is down in Tucson with my Aunt for a few days. Despite not having gone into my office, picked up an education-related book or otherwise thought much about my work, I still feel busy.
I know that part of it is adjusting to working full time. The day seems so much longer right now. Part is also that I am spending last night and tonight filling in the gaps in my wardrobe on after-christmas sales.
But I am also realizing all the things I am NOT doing because of my school work. Like exercise, for example; I am shopping because I’ve put on some weight and much of my closet doesn’t fit anymore, because I haven’t had time to exercise. Or cooking; I LOVE to cook but it is time-consuming to plan, shop and prepare the kinds of things that Jon and I love best. End result is that I spent a lot of time cooking over the weekend, which cut into time to do other things. Had I needed to be working on something urgent, I wouldn’t have been able to take the time.
My mother comes back tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to it. I started and deleted 3 posts over christmas eve and christmas day talking about issues I have with my mother, but in the end they are unsolvable; she is still the woman who raised me and even if I don’t always like her or approve of her choices or have even the least bit in common with her (I’m adopted and definitely an argument for nature OVER nurture) she will remain a part of my life until one of us dies. Sunday AM she gets on a plane to Florida and that is a good, good thing.
Work is weird right now; I’m on payroll, but in this weird middle place as they switch over all my accounts and access from contractor to employee. Things keep breaking. Most of the people who could/would fix those things are out this week. Including my boss. I may leave early and go shopping.
I really really REALLY don’t want to work on Monday and am thinking I may take it off regardless. Almost no one will be here, no one will notice, and if they do I’ll just take it as unpaid or something. I think having a day at home to get back into my research after my mother leaves will be good for me. I need to get my head back into my work, but I can’t do it when she’s here.